If you have ever been to George Washington’s home in Mount Vernon you would know that there are hundreds of acres to venture off and explore. My family being there from Ohio wanted to search every inch of it. My youngest nephews five senses were going crazy, but two of them were struck very forcefully when we got to the beautiful flower garden: his sense of sight and smell. Due to his short stature his nose was the only thing being teased.
In the flower garden of Martha and George there were many groups of flowers that were blocked off by a small brick ledge to keep people, and especially young ones, from stepping in the garden and crushing the flowers with the soles of their shoes. This was particularly hard for Evan since the top of his head reached just below my hip. Every time he would lean to get a sniff of a flower that caught his attention by its beautiful colors he would start to lose his balance, falling forward, and scratching his hands on the concrete path. He finally got fed up, and with his slight speech problem, looked at me, leaned his head so it was leaning on his left shoulder and said, “Aunt Selley, can you lift me up so I can smell the fwower over der?” Of course I fell in to his dimpled smile and hoisted my arm under his pudgy belly that was rolled over his jeans. He inhaled so hard that the petal of the flower he smelled collapsed to the inside of his nose; and he giggled and wriggled around in my arms bringing his scratchy, dirty hand up to rub his nose.
After he repeatedly lifting him over almost every kind of flower in the garden, I had to turn him down the next time he asked me to lift him up. As everyone else was busy checking out the other flowers in the garden, no one noticed Evan in the corner. Looking around, my sister grabs me by the arm as I was about to yell his name. I immediately looked in the direction she was pointing, turned on my camera, and snapped his picture. He had figured out a resolution to his own problem of not being able to smell the scents surrounding him. He had gotten down on his grass stained jeans, crawled over to the brick ledge between him and the flowers, and was leaning with both hands and his left knee on the brick, stretching his short torso over the ledge. His right foot was barely touching the ground as he balanced himself. After everyone had gotten their picture of him, my sister yells, “Evan, what do you think you’re doing?” Scrambling to his feet as quick as his little hands and feet would let him, he wiped his hands on his jeans. He then shrugs his shoulders and lifts his hands, palms up towards the sky and says, “What? I’m just smewin the fwowers.”
2 comments:
haha this is such a great story. I thought you introduced it really well with giving readers some bearings about Mount Vernon. Some details I really liked: 1) his pudgy belly 2) the way he sniffed flowers 3) his reaction to being called out by his mom, completely unaware that everyone was taking pictures of him.
I like that you captured the way he spoke in the story, and I actually wanted to be able to hear/read more of that. Maybe even emphasize his cute, kid speech by putting in some things that you said in response to him. So maybe just include some dialogue in there.
Also, I'm debating about whether or not I like having his posture described. Maybe it would be good not to describe it in such detail, but little things like his knee on the ledge and stretching himself in order to smell the flower is fine. That way, by only including key details, the picture that you include (which is priceless by the way) will be all the more clarifying and adorable.
Good piece! I like your description of his pose - I cheated and looked at the picture first, but the pose is well-described, since it's what I would imagine without the picture.
The lead is descriptive rather than catchy, I think, but the ending is good: the concerned mother (although I don't know what she's so concerned about, as he's not breaking anything) and his response. Good ending line.
I'm generally not a cute-kid-speech person, and so I'm afraid the title didn't really appeal to me. I did like, though, that you mentioned his "slight speech problem" - that mitigated it for me a little bit. Otherwise, though, I prefer kid-speech to be as mimetic as possible: I don't think it needs to be cutened up, since it's cute as is.
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