Snug under the covers, the warmth of the flannel sheets entrap me in their smoothness. I am starting to wake up but too comfortable to remove myself from the bundle of blankets. “Just a few more minutes,” I say to myself. Then it all ends. I wake up to a loud and obnoxious, “BEEP! BEEP!” Well, there went that idea. As I start to move, the dog down at my feet under the covers grumbles at me for disturbing her rest. I sit on the side of the bed for a few minutes removing the crust from my eyes and stretching. My toes hit the carpet tingling from the lack of connection to the ground for six hours. Stumbling to the bathroom I look in the mirror deciding that it would probably be a good idea to splash some water on my face. The warm water immediately puts me back into sleep mode. Okay, so maybe I should have used cooler water, but that would have probably put me into shock mode. Still tasting the garlic reminded me of how great dinner was and that I should probably brush my teeth. Finishing my ritual in the bathroom, I start rummaging through the pile of clean clothes on the floor, yes the floor, for a shirt to wear. Once completing my outfit with a pair of jeans, shirt, mismatched socks, and old sneakers, I’m out the door to tackle the next thing on my list: traffic.
First person account of some activity-245 words
2 comments:
"I’m out the door to tackle the next thing on my list: traffic."
Nice way to end your story.
I mismatch my socks too!
I like the use of descriptive language: the flannel sheets and the taste of garlic in your mouth.
I would not include the semicolon in this sentence though:
clean clothes on the floor; yes the floor, for a shirt to wear.
because the construction that comes after the semicolon must be a full sentence. Instead, I would replace the semicolon with comma.
Good story.
First off, I was happy to see another person write about their dog, even with just a brief mention. Another thing I enjoyed was the tone of voice in this piece (i.e. “Well, there went that idea.” ). The sentences read very straightforward and to the point, keeping description to a minimum—which, considering the length of the piece, works. Considering how important every word is, however, I would recommend you read back over a couple of sentences (such as the one beginning with “Okay, so maybe I should have…” ) and see if they’re really integral to the story… and how to make them more so.
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